March 1, 2025

Understanding Gaslighting: Recognizing "You're Too Sensitive"

Understanding Gaslighting: Recognizing "You're Too Sensitive"

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the abuser tries to make the victim doubt their own reality. One common manifestation of this is when they say, "You're too sensitive." This phrase can be used as a tool to dismiss the victim's real emotions, which is often seen in relationships, whether they are intimate, in the workplace, or within families. Victims may experience self-doubt, a feeling of isolation, and emotional suppression as a result.

Why "You're Too Sensitive" Is Toxic

The statement "You're too sensitive" is toxic for several reasons:

  • It shifts the blame onto the victim's so-called "sensitivity" rather than the abuser's actions
  • It denies the victim's feelings, reinforcing an unequal power dynamic
  • It's a way for the abuser to avoid having a real conversation about the root of the problem

Practical Conversation Scripts

combat the abuser

Here are 4 practical conversation scripts to counter this gaslighting behavior:

When they say: "You're always so sensitive!"

Respond: "My feelings are real. If you're not willing to discuss the issue itself, we can talk about it later."

This sets boundaries and reaffirms your feelings.

When they say: "I was just joking, you're making a big deal out of nothing"

Respond: "If it was a joke, why am I the only one who feels offended? Maybe we need to redefine the boundaries of 'humor'."

When they say: "You're overthinking it!"

Respond: "We're discussing the impact of your behavior on me, not my personality. Are you willing to solve this problem?"

When they say: "Everyone else is fine, only you react so strongly"

Respond: "If everyone remained silent, does it mean the problem doesn't exist? My feelings are equally important to be recognized."

Preventing Future Manipulation

To prevent future manipulation, you can:

  • Build self-identification by keeping an emotional journal, differentiating between "facts" and "negated feelings", similar to what is suggested in "Emotional Agility"
  • Practice using a firm tone to express your needs calmly and decisively, which is related to non-violent communication techniques like in "Nonviolent Communication"
  • Recognize toxic relationship patterns. If the other person continuously refuses to empathize, consider whether the relationship is worth maintaining
  • Seek support from friends or a psychologist to verify your feelings

Conclusion

In conclusion, your feelings are always valid. Gaslighting is the abuser's tool, not your defect. Remember to practice self-affirmation and not take responsibility for others' emotions. Our project "Gasligthing Check" aims to help you deal with such situations.

References

Cited articles/books/reports:

  1. "Emotional Agility" by Susan David, URL: https://www.susandavid.com/emotional-agility
  2. "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg, URL: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/560861.Nonviolent_Communication
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